Have I... [gasp] grown up?

Just a follow up on the ex-boyfriend facebook stress: he added me as a friend and sent a nice message. Aside from the initial panic of seeing that he had accepted my friend request, it didn't phase me. There are pictures of him with a woman, but according to facebook he's single. At any rate, none of it really hit me at all. I all of a sudden remembered the reasons we didn't work. I'm glad I found Dave and that I know how he's doing, but I think I'm also glad that he's a part of my dating past, not future. Maybe I am a little bit further along in my grown up life than I thought I was!

Is it wise to open closed doors?

When I was getting my masters degree at the University of Florida, I dated a great guy and fell madly in love. It was that first real love, the one that makes you absolutely, ridiculously giddy. I was so giddy that I feared I was turning into a mushy person. I mean, I was IN love. By IN love, I mean that I was on a roller coaster of a ride with plenty of ups and plenty of downs. It was on and off, in theory, for two years.

The beginning of the relationship was a total storybook romance. He first noticed me at work - I had a graduate assistantship in student activities and he was a student [gasp], but he was 22 and a senior. I noticed him as well and we talked in passing. His name is Dave and I had another Dave in my life from undergrad. I was having surgery on my foot and Pfeiffer Dave (being that he worked at Pfeiffer where I went to college) sent me flowers the week before the surgery. When Dave #2 came by the office one day, I said, "Thanks for the flowers. The card said 'Dave'." Naturally, he was flustered and he said something like "I wish I could take credit for that nice jesture but it really wasn't me." We laughed and joked about it and I explained that I knew the Dave who had sent them to me.

So, I have surgery on that Friday and get a phone call from Dave #2 on Sunday night. He says, "Did you get the flowers I sent you?" Hahaha. Very funny. Do not taunt the poor girl who just went under the knife I say. He says, "No. Seriously, I sent you flowers on Friday." It goes on and on with me not believing him and him saying he's going to the florist first thing in the morning. And then he asks me out. If I hadn't been sedated and on crutches, I would have done back flips! I was so excited!!! And that week I got a ridiculously huge bouquet of flowers. Turns out that my apartment number was E11 and the florist delivered the original bouquet to E1. And yes, I do believe that story.

It was great at first, but we were young and it was my first real relationship. We both had some issues and it ended up that for as good as we were together, we were just as bad together in other ways. When we finally decided to cease communication, I thought I would not recover. I knew that I would, but all I wanted to do at the time was curl in a ball in the corner of my apartment. But, times goes on, life goes on, and you figure out that the person you could never see not being in your future sometimes looks a little better in the past. That was seriously 12 years ago.

The past few years, I've wondered where Dave is and what he's doing. I found a couple of his friends and learned that he was in New York, which was his plan all along. And today I found him on facebook. I'm fairly positive it's him, although his profile is private and there's no picture of him. So, I sent a friend request and said something like, "Is this the Dave I knew at UF?" Great line, huh?

And now I'm faced with the agony of waiting for the request to be accepted. Or it could be rejected. He may very well want to keep me in his past. While I do have delusional thoughts that maybe we would be a good couple if our paths crossed again, in my sane moments, I'd just like to know that he's alive and happy. He was so very important in my life - he showed me that someone could love me, physical flaws and all, and find me attractive. For that I am grateful.

So, if he's married with 5 kids, I'll probably cry, but I'll be OK. It will be losing a little bit of a fantasy, but maybe I'll find my friend again too.

Oh yeah, that picture up there, that's me in my skinny days with Dave.

In Memory

Of Dr. Walter Wright

August 21, 1928 - August 1, 2008

Doctors, obviously, have always been a large part of my life. I was pretty lucky as a child because I always had great doctors - I was never a child who hated going to the doctor. Well, maybe sometimes if shots were going to be involved, but overall, I was not terribly traumatized.

And Dr. Wright is probably one of the reasons I am spoiled when it comes to medical care. I didn't realize until later in life that there are some not so great doctors out there - whether it's their bedside manner or their recommendations for my health care - I've gone to some of those not so great ones. Fortunately, I've had enough good experiences to know when I run into a dud.

Dr. Wright was my orthopedist from pretty much the beginning. He operated on me for the first time when I was four. He only had one other opportunity to operate, but I spent many an afternoon walking the halls of his office. When I was young, I thought you just went to see the doctor to walk. My mother and I would go to see Dr. Wright and he'd come in and say, "Let me see you walk, weiner." [Nice nickname, I know.] So I'd walk. And he'd watch me, take notes, and sometimes get other folks to watch me walk. He always had a smile on his face and seemed to genuinely care about me.

My mother called last night and said, "I have some bad news," which is never a good way for a conversation to start. She told me that she'd seen Dr. Wright's obituary in the paper. It's kind of odd, I haven't seen him in at least 15 years and knew he had retired and had to be old. So, I wasn't really surprised and I was sad, but it didn't phase me too much. He's not a part of my every day life anymore and hasn't been for years. After I talked to my mother, my father got on the phone and told me how sorry he was and how he knew I'd lost a special friend. It took me a second to realize he meant Dr. Wright. And what hit me then is that that's what Dr. Wright was to them. He took good care of me, their youngest, when they didn't know what to do. It's hard to have a child with a physical disability, I have no doubt that my parents were stunned, and it must be the best thing in the world to feel like you've found a good team of doctors to take care of your little one.

As I write this, I am sad about Dr. Wright's death. He was a great doctor and a great man. I wish I'd kept in touch with him. I know he had hundreds of patients, but I think, selfishly, that he would have enjoyed knowing how I turned out and what I've been up to. He was probably more important in my life than I realized, just because I was too young to realize anything other than he was always concerned about me and wanted the best for me.

When I was 14, Dr. Wright did a pretty extensive surgery on my right foot. I remember being wheeled through the pre-op area and whoever was pushing me saw Dr. Wright and said, "Oh, Dr. Wright, do you want to say anything to your patient?" He said, "What patient?" Then acted surprised to see me and he winked at me. He was always good at making me laugh and I know that helped me relax a little before the dreaded surgery. After that surgery, I had a pretty rough time and my foot got infected. Dr. Wright referred me to another doctor for wound care and my mother told me later that they never got one bill from the other doctor. Dr. Wright took care of all of the costs associated with the infection. How many doctors do that? It wasn't his fault and he wasn't responsible for the infection but he wanted to make sure I got the care I needed.

I think it's kind of a sign of the circle of life that I went water skiing this weekend. While Dr. Wright was leaving his life here, a door was opening for me physically. He would have loved it, I know he would have.

Is it really this difficult?

Being that I am a poor graduate student, I went against my better judgment and starting getting my prescriptions filled here. Their slogan is "Save Money. Live Better." So why is it that I always leave the store completely and totally frustrated? Only once have I had a pleasant experience there - the first time I picked up my prescriptions. They sucked me in with cheap prices and what seemed to be satisfactory service. It was clearly a fluke day for them. Since then, there has always been a problem with at least one of my prescriptions. Have they ever called to say, "I'm so sorry, the prescription that we told you would be ready at noon on Monday probably won't be ready until 2010?" No phone calls, no warnings, and no sympathy when I show up and my prescription isn't ready.

Today, I went to pick up my prescription, which clearly said on the bottle that I had refills. Apparently I don't have refills. So, I wasted 45 minutes going to a store that I can't stand and had yet another frustrating experience. I'm switching my prescriptions to one of my favorite places to shop. If I have a problem there, at least I can enjoy browsing the aisles.

Something is wrong with the world

How can this happen? From the newspaper:

Knoxville police this afternoon charged a 58-year-old Powell man with one court of first-degree murder in this morning's shooting at the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church.
Jim D. Adkisson is being held on a $1 million bond at the Knox County Detention Center.
He is accused of opening fire during a children's play, shooting eight people with a shotgun, killing one, according to Knoxville Police Chief Sterling P. Owen IV.
Seven of the wounded were taken to the University of Tennessee Medical Center, according to spokeswoman Becky Thompson.
Earlier today, five were listed in critical condition; one was listed as serious. Another was treated and released.
All were adults: four women and three men.
Another victim was trampled and was treated and released at a hospital, Knoxville Police Chief Sterling P. Owen IV said during a press conference this afternoon.

The irony, in spite of the tragedy of this whole thing, is that the Unitarians are the most accepting, non-violent kind of folks. Unitarians are the ones who believe in freedom of religious expression, the dignity of each human being, and tolerance. Why would anyone want to open fire at this church? Or anywhere for that matter?

Gym, Day Two

It takes 21 days to make or break a habit so the next 19 are going to be make or break for me. Yes, I did make it to the gym on Day Two - and I went swimming. The sky was clear so I opted for the outdoor pool (which was a little cooler than expected, but not too bad once I swam a lap). The pool is an Olympic sized one, but the lanes are marked off by the width, not the length of the pool. My original goal was to do 10 laps, then I backed off to 5. When I got in the pool, I thought 7 laps would be a good goal. Lucky for me, the rain coincided with the end of lap 5 and the feeling that I might drown if I attempted to swim another lap.

So I'm off to a decent start with exercising, but not so decent on the food aspect. I was starving when I got home after swimming and decided on an early dinner at a Japanese Steakhouse. I didn't eat as much as I normally do, but it still probably wasn't the best option for getting healthy!

I'm skipping the gym today and opting for a 30 minute ride on my stationery bike at home. I am making progress.

Quote of the day

I am a tangent waiting to happen.